I was unapologetic to myself today. I have had a cold for the past couple of days and I feel like my eyes are purging out as I breathe with one nostril, but I unapologetically decided keep up with my own Facebook live schedule on Mondays and Friday mornings on a regular basis. So, here is the message from that broadcast. I had to honor my own discipline even though I could have easily just skipped it since no one knew that was my intended schedule. So I unapologetically told myself, “Just get on there and do it.” And before my ego made excuses like “Oh my, you have no make up on and have dark circles under your eyes,” I was already doing the introduction at 9am central time.
I felt like it is important to get perspective for being unapologetic this year and beyond.
The 10 reasons below are things we do to avoid fear, confrontation and change, but I’ll give you solutions and ideas around each of them so you can be more courageous and unapologetic to yourself and others. In turn, you will build resilience and strength to be the person you intend to be because you are far more than you have become so far.
- You feel drained all the time
It’s funny cause I do feel physically drained today but I’m still here. However, if you feel drained most of the time it means you’re giving in to what other people expect of you or you are giving your energy away.
In essence, you’re just kind of letting things you want or believe slide. You might be trying to keep the peace or avoiding confrontation and just kind of going with the flow. Maybe, you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.
How do you be unapologetic in that situation? Being unapologetic is actually tuning into yourself and saying, “You know what? I deserve to have energy and I deserve to have enough energy to do what I want to say or do.” And so if you can start saying things like that to yourself, then you won’t feel drained anymore. You’ll start thinking about this is what you want, need and can create for yourself.
- You say “Whatever!” more than before
It you find yourself saying, “Whatever!” to yourself on a regular basis, it’s time to gauge if that people that you are around the most don’t resonate with you anymore. If this is true, when you’re around them it hits a nerve in you that you neutralize or delay confrontation by saying “Whatever” or you might be passive aggressively judging that person. I’ve been there. So it’s kind of passive aggressive to say whatever because you are basically bypassing your pain. Let’s say you’re on the interstate highway and you go off an exit to bypass something because you don’t want to see it, such as a bad car accident. Well the thing is sometimes we need to look at the pain and see what’s really going on. This is an opportunity gratitude and compassion toward yourself as you feel vulnerable about mistakes or past transgressions. It’s important that we look pain in the eye and feel it fully and keep the momentum going. go full frontal and be with it. Then you can let yourself know, that it not me anymore.
- You are irritable around everyday situations or people
It dawned on me about a month ago that irritability is a side effect not telling your truth and living your truth, especially when you blame others or get mad at yourself when life is not ideal for you.
For example, let’s say you want to travel, but you’re not taking any steps to travel to a place you really want to go. Even if it’s five years from now, You become irritable because there’s this disconnect between your heart and your brain. Your heart is saying, “You know, it’s good for you to do this. This is something that resonates with you.” But you’re brain might be saying, “Well, I don’t want to do something that resonates with me because I have to wait until…” Irritability is a side effect of resisting what you really resonate with.
Staying irritable over time can make you sick or make you feel off. Think about what people or actions resonate with you today and do something about it so you can feel peaceful again.
- You feel bad when you didn’t say your truth
So the unapologetic version of that is “what was it in you or me that didn’t say what we wanted to say? Why did we hold back?” We can’t control the outcome of what other people think of us. Maybe fear of rejection or something like that. But if fear is what’s driving us to keep us from saying what we authentically want to say or do, and we’re worried about what other will think or worried about what other people perceive in our comments. And essentially, if we are not willing to express fully what we want to express, regret and “what ifs” become buried inside and may turns into guilt. In other words, you feel bad.
So you could be more unapologetic about it with this question. “What is it in me that didn’t say it and what do I know to be true about my insecurity around them?” It’s very direct and your subconscious mind will answer with scenarios that have happened in the past where you’re scared of actually saying your truth to other people, and will create solutions for you current situation.
- You’ve given up on following your own path.
I hear this often from my clients and friends and family. “I’ll just wait until the timing’s right.” Or “I’m going to wait till I retire because, you know, it’s the practical thing to do.” and I am going to I, you know, “I really want to do this, but it’s just easier to stay where I’m at even though I’m not happy.”
The key to this is action. It’s unapologetic and courageous to do small actions on things that you desire while simultaneously doing the things that are practical. And so taking those steps unapologetically for yourself, why would you deny yourself that when all you have to do is take small little steps? So it might be joining a meetup related to what you want or something like that. Well, just do something and then you’ll feel a lot better. And you won’t feel like you’re taking too big of a risk.
- You don’t have hobbies or interests outside of work at home.
What’s the deal? Hobbies don’t have to be art or crafts or working in your shed. It’s simply a creative outlet doing something outside of obligation that resonates with you! And, ideally, it should make you feel good about yourself.
If you don’t have hobbies or interests outside of work at home, it means you’re denying yourself your creativity. Creativity kept in all shapes and sizes. It can be from writing poetry like I do, but it can also be taking a walk every day so you can clear your head. Creativity is also akin to curiosity. So if you don’t have any hobbies or hobbies or interests outside of work at home, your curiosity level is on empty or pretty close to it. When we don’t have curiosity in our mindset or in our everyday lives, there’s really no spark and you’re denying yourself that if you’re not allowing it, you’re denying yourself growth and expansion if you are not actively searching for something that’s fully yours.
- You ignore aches, pains, and discomfort in your body.
Why? Why do you do that? Let me explain why it’s important not to. My husband has a chronic pain, so there are times he has to ignore his pain so he can work his construction job. But there are messages that our pain and discomfort are communicating to us about how we are living our lives. I have a background in healthcare and being a reflexologist, so I’m really in tune with what causes pain, discomfort in there is disease process. There are injuries. But here’s the other side of the coin. If you feel exhausted, tired constant aches and pains in your body, you gotta ask your body,
“Is this an injury or a disease or is this something emotional? Is it physical or is it emotional?”
If the first thing that popped into your head says it’s totally physical, well there are things you could do about that, like yoga, exercise, massage or go to the doctor.
If you find that it’s emotional, there is no excuse for you keeping that pain and discomfort unless you want to hurt. Here are some unapologetic questions to ask yourself: “What do I know about this pain, when it started, and what I was going through emotionally at that time?” For example, A lot of people are constipated and if they’re not taking medications that cause it, oftentimes it means they’re resistant to letting go of emotional pain around close relationships.
Or I see that a lot in my office or people who have soreness in the right side of their middle abdomen often are experiencing anger, and it is also often related to issues with family and in relationships that are unresolved.
So there’s a lot of things our body is telling us, our body takes on emotional pain and discomfort without judgment. It actually absorbs it in to our bodies so that we don’t go mentally crazy. And so our bodies take on these different emotions so that so that we don’t have a mental breakdown.
If you’re tired of the emotional pain, simply say to yourself, “I am ready to let this go and forgive all the parties that contributed to I including myself.” This is the first step to uncork your bottle of bitterness so it can drain out little by little because you have acknowledged that you are unapologetic about doing the right thing for you to have the energy to do what you want.
- You don’t allow yourself to just be still
Sometimes it’s funny that the work is called business, busy-ness. So in essence, we are supposed to be be productive, in motion and reaching goals during work hours. No wonder, we resist stillness with this type of conditioning at home and work.
Fortunately, I created a job where I have a lot of flexibility. So, if I have a cold or need to find some quiet, still time to reset, I can kind of go with the flow. However, stillness is actually often scary for people. But if you don’t allow yourself just to be still and you fill you free time with noise, TV, obsessive cleaning or other distractions, you will be depleted before you know it.
Why are we so scared to sit and be still and just relax and to be present with who we are. Here’s a simple way to start, just sit somewhere comfortable, stare at something with soft eyes, and let your mind wander. There’s no agenda or judgment. Just sit, observe, be curious, and let your crazy thoughts run through your head. Start with 5 minutes and do more over time. Then you can get clarity on your everyday life distraction and if they are truly authentic to who you really are. And it helps a lot of the other steps that I’ve already mentioned.
- You feel bad or sorry for others all the time
Now usually apologizing includes the words “I’m sorry,” which is polite. But to feel sorry or feeling bad about other people is a whole other level of avoidance of taking care of ourselves. if we feel bad about someone else, we’re really judging their situation based on our experience. We don’t really know what’s going on with them. So for us to feel bad, for other people, it’s insane.
Here’s an example. I used to live in Prescott, Arizona and there were a lot of homeless people. it’s easy to judge homeless people. There’s a whole thing about them using donations for booze and being dishonest.
Nevertheless, I would talk to them periodically and I found them very interesting. Many of them really liked being homeless and they felt free even though they were outside all the time.
One guy showed me some beautiful purple spring flowers that were on the city square in Prescott, and even though I walked my dog there every day, I hadn’t noticed them. So that’s the thing. If we feel bad for others, we’re judging them when we don’t even know them.
Another example is that I used to visit a lot of nursing homes cause I worked in senior care. People I talk with who haven’t had a lot of time there assume that the residents are unhappy or not well taken care of. Once you get past that there’s slumping in the wheelchair or napping, there’s a lot of people who are still really amazing even though on the surface it doesn’t look like it. Many of them have fascinating lives and a vibrant state of living.
So this is really important. If you feel bad for others, get over yourself and stop judging and look at yourself. You may just be deflecting your insecurities onto others. Take an honest look at yourself and know that it is a wonderful thing to take steps for your own betterment. Then you will attract great people and will no longer feel the need to put judgment on others. The, look that there’s good at everyone and we don’t know all the answers.
- You want to be happy, but you compare yourself to others.
We all do that, right? But comparison is very dangerous. The other day, I saw a license plate that said 113, and I saw this number three or four times that day so I looked up the meaning. The description said to be completely unique and I am, I’m a very unique person and I take pride in that. However, even I get caught up in whether I should do what other people do because their lives seem easier and better. When we compare ourselves to others, we lose that unique part of ourselves.
I’m a reflexologist medium coach. You know, and I help people through crisis and grief and it’s very unique situation with creativity and practicality. I preach the message that your purpose for being is to claim your true purpose, gifts and mission. And that is something that isn’t like other people because if it was, if it was like a lot of other people, what’s the point?
I bring something to the table that you don’t bring and you bring something to the table that I don’t bring. And there’s different little groups or large groups of people that resonate with me or resonate with you or need your passion and spiritual gifts.
If you’re not opening yourself to that gift that you have, or many gifts that you have, you’re not available the people who need what you have to offer. So, it’s very important that you make sure and open yourself up to this versus comparing yourself with others and wanting to conform. Conformity is dangerous. Being fully content with ourselves is wonderful because we each have a great mission and a great purpose. And that’s what I help people do actually, is I have I work with people where in a very fast and easy, easier than thought possible way. I can help people embrace that purpose, give them action steps to actually share it with the world.
I hope these unapologetic steps help because if you could get this stuff out of the way, all that’s left is you and you fully.
you could really be the true person you are intended to be and you are more than who you have become. Just embrace that every day and then you’ll be able to stand up to your truth and actually express your truth and just follow your path without resistance.
Much Love,
Joy Lucinda
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